| reality bites |
[Oct. 10th, 2007|03:15 pm] |
i know i said we shouldn't talk about this anymore... but last night i really wished you were physically there. when u were reading to me like always and we laughed ridiculously. you wanted to kick my ass and i just wanted to keep on laughing. it was happy and yet dispersingly painful under the skin. i wanted you so badly. i even wanted you in my sleep. and everyday, i want you more that it scares me. i know u already know this and perhaps you are scared too. but yea, that's how it is.
i'm sure others would find the things we do across divine technology acutely ridiculous. i'm sure they they cannot comprehend the magnitude of our feelings given our magnificent distance and uncertainty. i'm sure they brush it off easily - it's a lightweight possibility and perhaps a heavyweight stupidity. to some.
and sometimes, i want to back them up, their immediate response. for they know my walk of path... my friends. they know how it was. sometimes, i want to wake myself up. for this could not be real. for i've once or twice disconnected myself from reality when pictures on the hard drive were my only reality. disguised reality to keep my sanity. it is now repeating itself, perhaps not as mimicking but your stand in my life at this very juncture could easily be a hazed reflection of what has happened before. and i don't want that. to live in forced fantasy; content in distance and manufactured rhythm of connection. as much as i would like to disagree, it is not real. yet.
but everyday i am feeling. everyday i am experiencing. everyday i am emoting. how can this not be real.
does reality have to be physical.
does it take a physical form.
i can take a man, physically live with him everyday, force a comfort zone upon myself while he takes my comfortable posture as true love reciprocated. is that real then.
no, that... that's just not really me. |
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| Comments: |
From: (Anonymous)
2007-10-10 11:47 am (UTC)
hi | (Link)
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roger 38 france, is it the good blog, i'm looking for the granny taking trips :p | |
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